my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
