I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
