Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
