Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
