i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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