nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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