can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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