I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
