After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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