Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
