I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i drank out of a bidet.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
