Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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