Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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