I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
