I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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