I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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