talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
