i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
