Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
