I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
