He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
