you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
