also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
