it was like his penis was on wheels.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
