her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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