Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
