You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
