i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
