I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
