one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
