I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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