Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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