the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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