a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
4 words: hood of his car
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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