we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
