we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
