My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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