I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
