Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
