JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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