I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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