girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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