I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize