I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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