Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
