I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
