I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
