I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
