Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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