Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
