i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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