i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
