Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
