dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
