You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
