Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
