in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
