Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
