arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
