i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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