oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
