Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
